She is here...and now I am scared

     She had been anouncing her arrival for days, so she was expected but boy this time it seems like 1) it took for ever 2) had every sympton (poor hubby) and last but not least although desired, she is now dreaded. Of course I am talking about AF. yay~

This morning as I was getting ready to come to work my brain was already exausted. I am scared. Really scared. In the back of my head I really didnt want her to visit because that meant that I couldnt conceive, and if I didnt conceive then I couldnt miscarry.

Miscarry. Hm. When I got pregnant with my son, miscarriage was never a thought. I knew I was going to be bringing home my baby and be a mom. There was never any though about a miscarriage. In fact, when I got pregnant I was only 17 years old. I moved in with my then boyfriend (now hubby) when I was only 8 weeks pregnant. My only worry then was to finish school before my baby arrived...because I was going to have a baby. PERIOD.

Now with PCOS, I dont know if I am going to one of the lucky ones that gets her BFP on her first cycle, even if I do, it doesnt mean I will be bringhing home a baby by the end of January or late February. Thats what I am scared of and I cant control it.