Randoms

• 1st round of Clomid, BFN. I don't even know if I ovulated. 
• Today is the last day of my 2nd round of clomid. 
• My nephew told me earlier this week that his GF is pregnant. I had a meltdown.
• I am in the middle of switching jobs. Well there is new owner. I don't know about insurance.
• Brandon is on summer vacation. Good for him, stressful for me. 

I know this is all random crap. I just don't have the brain right now to write a more detailed post. I will be back.

Update-ugh

Today is CD 28 and I am 10dpo. This morning I tested and of course BFN. I really wasn't expecting a different answer. My body doesn't feel different. It just feels "normal". Now, I know it is still too early to test and that I still have days to go and may get a BFP. But why would I try to fool myself and get my hopes up.

I went in for my 21day blood work, only I didn't know that its day 21 for those with normal cycles, and 7dpo for women with irregular cycles. When I got the phone call from my Drs. office on Friday morning the reading was about .08. That didn't make sense because I have gotten my smiley face on CD18 and FF confirmed it. I was sure I did ovulate, or at least was going.

So I asked why, and that's when we figured that I tested only 3dpo and of course that wasn't a true reading. The next step would be to go in on Saturday for my true 7dpo test, but like the story of my life, I couldn't do it. I couldn't find a lab that's open on weekend and it was my sons first communion. I thought to myself, i would love to have another baby, but my son is here and i am not going to leave him to get ready alone for something that I may never have. So I decided to be with my son and spend time with him on his special day.

and I didn't regret it.

Cycle Day 7 and My Last Clomid Pill

Today I take my last Clomid pill. I don't know if that should make me happy because I can finally have some hope to conceiving or it frightens me because it can be a let down. Clomid didn't really give any side effects, let me take that back, I did get hot flashes and a lot of bloating. But other than that its been a smooth sail for me.
 I went out to get OPK during my lunch (I lagged and didn't order them online so had to buy them at Target) and boy were they EXPENSIVE.  Hopefully, knock on wood, I will only have to buy them this month because I AM going ovulate and get pregnant and bring home a healthy baby (you hear that universe? I putting it out there, please let it be true).

I am also getting quite busy with my son's First Communion. I again, waited until the last minute. We decided not to do anything huge, just a Park Party with lunch food and treats. He has been going to church class for 2 years and never once did he miss any days and has always done his best. I am really proud of him.

Thats it for today. and Please Please Please, let me get my Rainbow baby.

She is here...and now I am scared

     She had been anouncing her arrival for days, so she was expected but boy this time it seems like 1) it took for ever 2) had every sympton (poor hubby) and last but not least although desired, she is now dreaded. Of course I am talking about AF. yay~

This morning as I was getting ready to come to work my brain was already exausted. I am scared. Really scared. In the back of my head I really didnt want her to visit because that meant that I couldnt conceive, and if I didnt conceive then I couldnt miscarry.

Miscarry. Hm. When I got pregnant with my son, miscarriage was never a thought. I knew I was going to be bringing home my baby and be a mom. There was never any though about a miscarriage. In fact, when I got pregnant I was only 17 years old. I moved in with my then boyfriend (now hubby) when I was only 8 weeks pregnant. My only worry then was to finish school before my baby arrived...because I was going to have a baby. PERIOD.

Now with PCOS, I dont know if I am going to one of the lucky ones that gets her BFP on her first cycle, even if I do, it doesnt mean I will be bringhing home a baby by the end of January or late February. Thats what I am scared of and I cant control it.

Where are you Aunty...

Aunt flow that  is.  I never thought I would be bummed if she didnt show up. But now that I need her, she doesnt want to show her not so pretty face. I mean, do I really want the cramps, the fatigue, the having to run to the restroom because I though oh sh!t, I just had an accident? No I dont, but I need her to start my cycle.

Last time I took Provera, it was in January and I was on pill #9 when my AF showed up for a visit. I took my last Provera pill on Sunday night and no signs of her arrival.

I am not a fan of waiting, but I guess I have to get used to it. After all I have been playing this waiting game for a while now. Its so hard to see my Clomid just sitting there, but then again, do I really want to get disappointed fairly quickly if it doesnt work? My head is going to explode with all these crazy thought....thats what waiting does to you....BOO!

Last Time

Time to write my thoughts once again. Last time I even came to this page I was frustrated yet hopeful. Today I am scared.

Last time I was here, I knew something was going on. Blood work after blood work, test after test...and need mention all those uncomfortable ultrasounds? But I remained hopeful.

Then I started reading all these different blogs, and it became obvious that I too had PCOS. Why wasn't I being diagnosed from the beginning? I had all the signs, no period, hair in places that shouldnt be and well the weight gain (which is now slowly coming off ).

Anyways, I am now on provera, day 6 to be exact. I have my Clomid at home waiting for my cyle to begin. I look at the calendar and I am scared. Nothing has been easy thus far, do I really expect it will be easy now?
Maybe that's what I scared of, wishing that for just this once I can have it easy.

Another thing I dont know, I have read on many blogs/forums of Drs. putting you on Metformin and Clomid. I was reffered to an endocinologist and after testing she concluded that there was no reason to be on Metformin. I was happy to hear that but now that I think about it, why not?