Today I take my last Clomid pill. I don't know if that should make me happy because I can finally have some hope to conceiving or it frightens me because it can be a let down. Clomid didn't really give any side effects, let me take that back, I did get hot flashes and a lot of bloating. But other than that its been a smooth sail for me.
I went out to get OPK during my lunch (I lagged and didn't order them online so had to buy them at Target) and boy were they EXPENSIVE. Hopefully, knock on wood, I will only have to buy them this month because I AM going ovulate and get pregnant and bring home a healthy baby (you hear that universe? I putting it out there, please let it be true).
I am also getting quite busy with my son's First Communion. I again, waited until the last minute. We decided not to do anything huge, just a Park Party with lunch food and treats. He has been going to church class for 2 years and never once did he miss any days and has always done his best. I am really proud of him.
Thats it for today. and Please Please Please, let me get my Rainbow baby.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
She is here...and now I am scared
She had been anouncing her arrival for days, so she was expected but boy this time it seems like 1) it took for ever 2) had every sympton (poor hubby) and last but not least although desired, she is now dreaded. Of course I am talking about AF. yay~
This morning as I was getting ready to come to work my brain was already exausted. I am scared. Really scared. In the back of my head I really didnt want her to visit because that meant that I couldnt conceive, and if I didnt conceive then I couldnt miscarry.
Miscarry. Hm. When I got pregnant with my son, miscarriage was never a thought. I knew I was going to be bringing home my baby and be a mom. There was never any though about a miscarriage. In fact, when I got pregnant I was only 17 years old. I moved in with my then boyfriend (now hubby) when I was only 8 weeks pregnant. My only worry then was to finish school before my baby arrived...because I was going to have a baby. PERIOD.
Now with PCOS, I dont know if I am going to one of the lucky ones that gets her BFP on her first cycle, even if I do, it doesnt mean I will be bringhing home a baby by the end of January or late February. Thats what I am scared of and I cant control it.
This morning as I was getting ready to come to work my brain was already exausted. I am scared. Really scared. In the back of my head I really didnt want her to visit because that meant that I couldnt conceive, and if I didnt conceive then I couldnt miscarry.
Miscarry. Hm. When I got pregnant with my son, miscarriage was never a thought. I knew I was going to be bringing home my baby and be a mom. There was never any though about a miscarriage. In fact, when I got pregnant I was only 17 years old. I moved in with my then boyfriend (now hubby) when I was only 8 weeks pregnant. My only worry then was to finish school before my baby arrived...because I was going to have a baby. PERIOD.
Now with PCOS, I dont know if I am going to one of the lucky ones that gets her BFP on her first cycle, even if I do, it doesnt mean I will be bringhing home a baby by the end of January or late February. Thats what I am scared of and I cant control it.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Where are you Aunty...
Aunt flow that is. I never thought I would be bummed if she didnt show up. But now that I need her, she doesnt want to show her not so pretty face. I mean, do I really want the cramps, the fatigue, the having to run to the restroom because I though oh sh!t, I just had an accident? No I dont, but I need her to start my cycle.
Last time I took Provera, it was in January and I was on pill #9 when my AF showed up for a visit. I took my last Provera pill on Sunday night and no signs of her arrival.
I am not a fan of waiting, but I guess I have to get used to it. After all I have been playing this waiting game for a while now. Its so hard to see my Clomid just sitting there, but then again, do I really want to get disappointed fairly quickly if it doesnt work? My head is going to explode with all these crazy thought....thats what waiting does to you....BOO!
Last time I took Provera, it was in January and I was on pill #9 when my AF showed up for a visit. I took my last Provera pill on Sunday night and no signs of her arrival.
I am not a fan of waiting, but I guess I have to get used to it. After all I have been playing this waiting game for a while now. Its so hard to see my Clomid just sitting there, but then again, do I really want to get disappointed fairly quickly if it doesnt work? My head is going to explode with all these crazy thought....thats what waiting does to you....BOO!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Last Time
Time to write my thoughts once again. Last time I even came to this page I was frustrated yet hopeful. Today I am scared.
Last time I was here, I knew something was going on. Blood work after blood work, test after test...and need mention all those uncomfortable ultrasounds? But I remained hopeful.
Then I started reading all these different blogs, and it became obvious that I too had PCOS. Why wasn't I being diagnosed from the beginning? I had all the signs, no period, hair in places that shouldnt be and well the weight gain (which is now slowly coming off ).
Anyways, I am now on provera, day 6 to be exact. I have my Clomid at home waiting for my cyle to begin. I look at the calendar and I am scared. Nothing has been easy thus far, do I really expect it will be easy now?
Maybe that's what I scared of, wishing that for just this once I can have it easy.
Another thing I dont know, I have read on many blogs/forums of Drs. putting you on Metformin and Clomid. I was reffered to an endocinologist and after testing she concluded that there was no reason to be on Metformin. I was happy to hear that but now that I think about it, why not?
Last time I was here, I knew something was going on. Blood work after blood work, test after test...and need mention all those uncomfortable ultrasounds? But I remained hopeful.
Then I started reading all these different blogs, and it became obvious that I too had PCOS. Why wasn't I being diagnosed from the beginning? I had all the signs, no period, hair in places that shouldnt be and well the weight gain (which is now slowly coming off ).
Anyways, I am now on provera, day 6 to be exact. I have my Clomid at home waiting for my cyle to begin. I look at the calendar and I am scared. Nothing has been easy thus far, do I really expect it will be easy now?
Maybe that's what I scared of, wishing that for just this once I can have it easy.
Another thing I dont know, I have read on many blogs/forums of Drs. putting you on Metformin and Clomid. I was reffered to an endocinologist and after testing she concluded that there was no reason to be on Metformin. I was happy to hear that but now that I think about it, why not?
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
A nice morning chat
Every morning on my way to work I call my older sister. We have been doing this for years. Today was kind of different. We usually talk about all the drama that is going on with our family, by family I mean my other sisters and brother. Like I said in my previous post, I don't really talk to people about my "situation", I don't even tell them that I read your blogs. They just don't get it.
Anyways, today mentioned that I read a blog about a couple who have been dealing with IF for years, they tried IUI, IVF and of course on their own for years before they decided to stop and go to adoption instead. Well to make story short, she just found out she is expecting!
She told me that she has heard a lot of stories where that sort of thing happens (I saw it on SATC).
She also said the 2 most famous words that we just love to her..."Just Relax". I didn't lose it then, but I did tell her its better easy said then done.
I tried to explain to her that its really hard to "just relax" every cycle is a roller coaster for us. Every month we desire to get the BFP so our hopes go up and then we get that BFN instead and down we go...
My sister was very understanding and it felt good to let her know how I felt.
OK well enough rambling for today.
Have a great day!
-Brenda
Anyways, today mentioned that I read a blog about a couple who have been dealing with IF for years, they tried IUI, IVF and of course on their own for years before they decided to stop and go to adoption instead. Well to make story short, she just found out she is expecting!
She told me that she has heard a lot of stories where that sort of thing happens (I saw it on SATC).
She also said the 2 most famous words that we just love to her..."Just Relax". I didn't lose it then, but I did tell her its better easy said then done.
I tried to explain to her that its really hard to "just relax" every cycle is a roller coaster for us. Every month we desire to get the BFP so our hopes go up and then we get that BFN instead and down we go...
My sister was very understanding and it felt good to let her know how I felt.
OK well enough rambling for today.
Have a great day!
-Brenda
Thursday, October 13, 2011
I am so bad at this...sorry
I guess that title says it all.
Sorry.
I just feel so discouraged when nothing happens. We are still on TTC mode and it seems like every month you wait for AF to show up, of course you secretly wish it doesn't so that you can at least hope that you have a chance at getting a BFP. Unfortunately, in some cases, AF doesn't show up but you still don't get your much desired +.
Since my surgery on June 10, 2011, I have had one "normal" cycle, and that was last month. This month, I didn't get AF, but I have been spotting. I don't know what is going on. I have an appt next week on Tuesday. We will see what happens then.
On other news, this past Tuesday my son wanted to go to the library for a reading book. Once we got there I decided to go in search of some IF or TCC books and because I didnt do my research before we went and our library doenst have a computer system where we can search books based on topics, I had to get courage and walk up to the information desk. My sisters and close family members are the only people that know of our struggle. Never have I once had to interact with a stranger with my "issue". I was nervous/embarrassed. I didnt know what to say or ask. I felt like I was going to be judged. I dont know. I am fairly new to this and still dont know how to deal with it.
As for blogging, I will try to get better. I read A LOT of blogs, but I just don't comment/ or even update my blog, I will work on that.
Til then,
Have a good weekend!
-Brenda
Sorry.
I just feel so discouraged when nothing happens. We are still on TTC mode and it seems like every month you wait for AF to show up, of course you secretly wish it doesn't so that you can at least hope that you have a chance at getting a BFP. Unfortunately, in some cases, AF doesn't show up but you still don't get your much desired +.
Since my surgery on June 10, 2011, I have had one "normal" cycle, and that was last month. This month, I didn't get AF, but I have been spotting. I don't know what is going on. I have an appt next week on Tuesday. We will see what happens then.
On other news, this past Tuesday my son wanted to go to the library for a reading book. Once we got there I decided to go in search of some IF or TCC books and because I didnt do my research before we went and our library doenst have a computer system where we can search books based on topics, I had to get courage and walk up to the information desk. My sisters and close family members are the only people that know of our struggle. Never have I once had to interact with a stranger with my "issue". I was nervous/embarrassed. I didnt know what to say or ask. I felt like I was going to be judged. I dont know. I am fairly new to this and still dont know how to deal with it.
As for blogging, I will try to get better. I read A LOT of blogs, but I just don't comment/ or even update my blog, I will work on that.
Til then,
Have a good weekend!
-Brenda
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